Quarterly Affirmation
I have nothing to offer outside of random lego pieces around the house. that said, these are my thoughts and I offer no explanation.- a vagina is like an evil bank that randomly gives you debt after you make a deposit and offers a very expensive withdrawal process
- greatest Christmas gift ever. tell your kids you gave them the Internet. they can't really prove you wrong
- marketing is a lot like quantum mechanics: may reduce cholesterol. can walk through a wall. by the way, I have no idea what marketing is.
- If five people enter a room and four leave, is that last guy the dentist who didn’t recommend trident gum?
- If I could fly I would totally use it to spy on random people I want to have sex with. Why doesn’t superman do that?
- There’s a fine line between creepy and owning a clown costume
- I think minivans should be painted like ice cream trucks
- imagine what it felt like if you auditioned for the music man and were trombonist 77
- how cool would it be if 1 day a year they put water in the hadron collider and handed out inner tubes
- I believe that addiction is based on a simple premise, “the more I’m fucked up, the less I give a shit about your opinion”
- remember when you didn’t have kids? I hate them.
- I want the world to go back to the bartering system. For example, I will give you an apple and you will give me $100
- TSA needs to learn how to fondle better
- why the fuck would anyone want 76 trombones … in a parade, nonetheless
- fjord. enjoy that word
- I think lego should make bricks that don’t stick together just to fuck with kids
- why do teenage girls push their lips together when being photographed as if they are sucking on the worlds smallest penis?
- heart attack yak yak yak yak yak. Nice lyric you asshole. Billy Joel should write sympathy cards … “Heard you kid’s retarded…ed..ed..ed..ed..ed..ed”
- how much cereal does one have to eat before they feel like they blew captain crunch
- It would be so cool if Achilles had plantar fasciitis (cue sound of one had clapping)
- seriously? 76 farty sounding instruments? I get the whole broadway gay thing, but this borders on sadistic
